Thursday, March 18, 2010

Ten Alternative Ways to Avoid Spanking Your Child

Was there a time that you spank your child because he is not behaving even if you have done your best to cool him down? Well, spanking isn’t necessarily something a parent consciously chooses. Most often it happens when grownups lose their control get worked up or feel desperate. All parents know how profoundly annoying it can be when their little one doesn’t listen to them.

Why do some parents end up spanking their kids? Maybe it’s because spanking works to make their child behave. But in fact spanking works if and only if you look at the short time. Studies showed that there are adverse effects of spanking a child. It was found out that the more often a child is spanked, the greater the risk of childhood aggression and other antisocial behaviors such as lying, cheating, and bullying. Children who are raised from spanking are less likely to learn from right from wrong and more likely to misbehave their parent’s back.

Below are some alternatives or suggestions to handle discipline dilemmas.

1. Be firm and be kind.
A child is more likely to hear what you're saying if you use a neutral tone.
2. Pause.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm too angry to deal with this now. We'll talk about it later."
3. Teach your kids.
Instead of punishing a child for misbehaving, think in terms of teaching him to behave. "I don't like it when you leave your skateboard in the front hall. Next time, please put it in the mudroom. How can I help you remember?"
4. Be positive.
Instead of saying, "How many times do I need to ask you to brush your teeth?" Say, "Go brush your teeth and let me know when you've finished so I can tuck you in."
5. Give explanations, not threats.
By giving your child a brief explanation of why she needs to do as she's told, you give her a reason to behave.
6. Refuse to get angry.
Instead of focusing on your child's misbehavior and working yourself into a lather, think of each conflict as an opportunity to guide and direct your child.
7. Give incentives.
Inspire your child to cooperate with phrases like, "It's time to go. Why don't you go down the slide one more time and then let's hustle. I want to get home in time to make cookies."
8. Be flexible.
If your little one asks, "Can I just finish watching this show before we go?" be reasonable. If you have the time to spare, make room for your child's requests. This is a great way for kids to learn about the art of negotiation.
9. Drop out of power struggles.
Nothing is as frustrating or less productive as having a showdown with your little one. Invite your child to cooperate by saying something like, "I've got a problem. I want you to wear a clean shirt and you insist on wearing the same old one every day. How can we solve this problem?" Your child is more likely to cooperate if he comes up with the solution.
10. Be smart.
Parents will often deal with problems in a set manner, even if their approach isn't helping. If what you're doing isn't working, find a more effective way to handle the problem. Tip: It's much easier to change your approach than it is to change your child. Ask yourself, "What can I do differently that will inspire a better reaction from my child?"
TIP: Remember these three important rules about punishment:

  • Don't assign a punishment when you're angry
  • Don't use punishment as revenge.
  • A more severe punishment is not necessarily a better one


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